Do You Talk Too Much?

Everyone has that one friend who talks incessantly about their life, spouting off everything they know about this subject or that, with no concept that they’re not really even having a conversation. They’re just yapping - non stop. It can be nauseating. And, if you’re like that, it’s likely I won’t hang out with you for long.

At this point, all my friends are thinking,'do I do that?'

Stop it, NO!

But, in the past I have met with people who are Chatty Cathy's, and are in love with the sound of their own voice. 

Can you relate? 

If you are like that, let me tell you... it's one sure way to repel people from your life, your brand, and your business. So, stop it... like, right now!

At this point, you may be wondering… am I one of those people? To be honest, I think we all need to take a step back to evaluate if what we are contributing to the conversation adds value, or if we are just trying to get attention. 

I know it can be hard to feel heard in a day in age where there is so much noise. But even with social media vying for attention, you can intentional with what you are putting out into the world, and what you are saying. Not everyone wants to hear what you ate for lunch, get your latest update, or where you are planning to go after the meeting. 

As a person who works from home, I can totally fall into the trap of wanting to get all my words out on the first person I see each day. And, there are days when I verbal diarrea at the most inappropriate times...TMI?

You feel me?

Are you are desperate for adult conversation, or in an industry that requires you to be seen but not heard? Well, take a deep breath… there is definitely a time and place for you to talk (without losing friends). I’m here to help you have deeper and more meaningful conversations without fear that you are taking up all the air-time. 

Tip #1 - Silence is ok. Have you ever heard of the 7 min rule? In every conversation (at around the 7 min mark) there is an ebb and flow followed by a period of silence. If there is an awkward silence, don’t try to jump in to fill it. Take a pause instead. It could be that other person has more to say, and that space will give them the opportunity to share something that might be really important. 

Tip #2 - Listen and repeat (without seeming like a parrot). People feel heard when you are able to repeat back to them what they have just said. That means you won’t be formulating the next thing you want to say. Don’t worry, you’ll get time to talk. 

Tip #3 - Don’t try and solve every problem, or give useless trivia. (Nobody cares!) Not everyone wants their problem fixed by you, or is interested in what happened in the past. Instead, use your wisdom and discretion before you speak. 

Tip #4 - Ask more questions. Give the person reason to want to keep having the conversation. And, for goodness sake - act interested in what they are saying! The more curious you are about them, the deeper the relationship will grow. And, if you generally don’t give a crap, it’s likely that person really isn’t your friend - so move on!

Tip #5 - It’s not all about you. I think that's pretty self explanatory. 

Now if you haven’t gotten mad (because you know this is you) and clicked out of the blog, I want to encourage you that if you will start listening more, and stop talk less, you’ll start to see your relationships flourish.

Btw.. this advice works in life  and business. 

Be the person who everyone wants to talk to. Trust me... what you put out into the world, you will get back. Don’t worry, you’ll get a chance to use all your words!

Back Up Plan: Do I Need One?

There are a handful of things in my life that I have been sure about. When I was fifteen, I felt a call to full-time ministry. I was naive in my thinking of what that would look like, but I was beyond certain that it was something I was supposed to pursue. When it came time to pick which college I would attend, my parents had only one requirement - I would graduate with a degree of some sort. That meant that I had to find a degree program to support my endeavors. 

Looking back it’s easy to see that we both had a plan. I had a plan of becoming a world famous christian singer, and my parents had a plan of me being able to support myself by having a degree as a music teacher. They called it the back up plan. I called it painful. 

I won’t spoil the story just yet, but a lot has happened since then.

Maybe you feel like you are at a major crossroads in life, and are trying to figure out which path to take. Well, let me first begin by saying you are the authority on you. What I say here is just my perspective. I hope that it can help you make the best decision possible for your future. And that is why I really want to talk to you today about whether or not we should have a back up plan or as some people call it a 'plan-b'. 

My friend Lisa is one of the funniest girls I know. Talent oozes from this girl, and I am grateful to be her friend. She has been very blessed to pursue her love of comedy and acting by landing some really great gigs. But, like everyone in the industry, she wonders if she needs to have a back up plan just in case this acting thing doesn’t work out. Not long ago she asked me this great question, “is it wise or destructive to foster a back up plan in case my dreams don’t come true?"

My answer to this question may or may not surprise you. But after years of life experience, and researching the success patterns of those who have risen to the top I have to say a lot to say on the subject.

First, there is really no way to focus on multiple things at once and be successful. Now, hear me… having a secondary job to support your art, career, new business may be necessary for a time. There is no shame in that. But, FOCUS on what you truly want. Make your ultimate goal your priority. 

Determine your ‘why’. When you are able to concretely stand on your why, it become much easier to stay focused during the hard times. And yes, they will come. To really get to the heart of your ‘why’, you may want to work with a coach for a period of time so that you can be assured of your boundary lines. 

Stay open handed. When we have closed hands gripping tightly to what we want, we are never open to the possibility of something greater. Sometimes our dreams expand and grow, and we want to be able to move with them and not work against them. 

As it turned out, I graduated college and became a successful high school music teacher. I continue to sing to this day, and am grateful for the opportunities I get to do so. But it was during that time when I sat with my students that the full realization of my dream came into focus. I was meant to empower people to do extraordinary things.

My love for music had led me to that time and place. And, as life would have it, my parents were on to something. What I thought was a plan b, was actually a plan a. It's funny how we perceive the future when really what is important is the journey. 

Now, let’s continue the conversation over on Facebook Live on Thursday morning at 11 am EST. I’d love to hear what you have to think, and answer any questions you might have about whether or not you should have a back up plan.

As a free gift to you, I've created what I call the ultimate decision making guide to walk you through the process of making those hard decisions in your life. You can grab yours below. 

The Secret To Pursuing The Best Idea

Co-working is a relatively new phenomenon, and one that has hit major cities by storm. It gives budding entrepreneurs and small businesses a creative environment to grow their idea’s while sharing the cost of an office space. It can be one of the most exhilarating places to be. About a year ago, I had the opportunity to participate in a work exchange here in Toronto. I was thrust into an environment where idea’s were not only welcomed but celebrated. We were given the opportunity to brainstorm our idea’s and offered feedback for improvement and implementation. 

Some of the idea’s that birthed during that period were incredible, while others fell flat. But, what I began to realize during my time there was that there are no bad idea’s, it all boils down to context.

Maybe you have been toying around with some great idea’s, and opportunity has come a knock’n, but now you feel overwhelmed with the amount possibilities before you. As great as they all seem, you may be experiencing analysis paralysis (the inability to make a decision).

I've been there, and I know exactly how you are feeling. And, so has my friend Amanda.

Allow me to share a bit of her story. Amanda, is what I can a multipotentialite (yes, this is a real term). If refers to an individual who has high potential in multiple area’s of their life. She is absolutely brilliant in the kitchen as both a cook and a baker. You should taste her cakes, they are to die for. She also works with children (some with disabilities), and is basically a modern day Mary Poppins. More recently, she has expressed a desire to use her gifts to empower women that have gone through sexual abuse and crisis, so that they can live healthy lives. 

In a conversation we had not long ago, she asked me, “how do I sort through the million idea’s in my head, when they all seem to be God honouring, and in the direction I want to go?” I had to stop for a second to really think about that. To be completely honest, it’s a loaded question. But one I am super excited to answer.

While I am going to share a few thoughts with you here on the blog today, I want to invite you to join me as on Facebook Live this coming Thursday at 1 pm EST as we carry on the conversation. 

First of all... I love Amanda's commitment to act on what God has given her to do. It’s pretty inspiring to witness. Not only does she want to use her gifts to help others, but she wants to honour God in the process. 

Some of you may be thinking, uhmmm how would I even know where to begin or what God wants for my life? Fair enough. Let’s start here - what if all your idea’s seem in line with your values and vision, and you’re still not sure where to begin?

Having a bunch of really idea’s can seem great, until they become burdensome and overwhelming. And, since not every idea is one that needs to be acted on, it’s wise to take time to determine which one’s are meant for you. 

Step One: Assuming you have all your idea’s written out (and you should do that so you don’t forget them), begin by prioritizing them in order of importance. Personally, I like to divide the year into quarters, and think about it seasonally. Then I determine what is important for this season of my life. 

Now, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Will this idea enhance what I am currently doing?
2. What will it take to grow this idea (timeframe, resources, etc)?

Step Two: Position yourself to receive wise counsel, and be open to discuss each idea in depth. Within the context of a safe environment, you will be able to discern what idea is most important to you. I would highly recommend joining a mastermind, getting a mentor, and hiring a coach. 

Why, you ask? 

• A mastermind of like minded individuals will help you flesh out your idea’s and give them context. 
• A mentor will be able to share his/her experience with you so that you can gain the wisdom you need.
• A great coach will guide you through what is most important, and help you put a plan in place to move the idea to the next level. 

Step Three: Take some sort of immediate action. Jump on ONE idea and run with it. It’s important to do something right away so that you create the momentum you need. Don’t worry if it is going to fail or not. Failure is definitely not a bad thing (there is so much to be learned there). 

Ok, now with all this advice it is time to put some action to your great idea’s. I have designed a worksheet that will walk you step by step through how you arrive at your best decision. CLICK HERE.

Also, I’d love to have you join me on Facebook Live this Thursday, February 23, 2017 at 1 pm EST. We will continue the conversation, and I will give you some practical tools to help you hone in on your big idea. Hope to see you there. 

How To Have The Courage To Ask For What You Want

The memory of my first heart break is etched deeply on my heart and soul. At the time I thought this is in love, and had all the feelings that came along with that. But, looking back now it’s really hard to tell what I really felt. What I do know was that it felt as if the earth had split beneath my feet, and the sky tumbled in on me. Oh man, it really hurt. The sting was something I had never experienced before. But trust me when I say I have since felt it many times over. 

Relationships are hard. On every level. And when we don’t have the courage to really speak our truth, we can find ourselves at the bottom of the heap, broken and battered. Unfortunately I’m not just talking about our romantic relationships. I’m really referring to the sum total of all our relationships -- both personal and professional. 

It’s the boss that is over bearing, and keeps you way later than you need to be at the office. And, the friend who you can never say no to for fear of her reaction. I’m going to be totally real with you here. I know we have all been hurt, and felt the painful sting of rejection. It’s never easy, and we are never ready for the fall out when it happens. But worst of all, we are never fully prepared to ask for what we need before it’s too late. 

I get asked some pretty tough questions by some of my coaching clients. They are looking for answers to all of life’s most difficult situations, and to be honest, most of the time I don’t feel like I have the answers they need. I’m no guru, and I don’t pretend to have the answer for everything. But when I get asked important questions, I am compelled to search until I find the answers. 

When it comes to tackling the hard stuff; I want to journey right along side of you. So I asked some of my clients to send me there most pressing questions, and now I am not only going to share the answers with them, but with you as well. I’m excited, hope you are too. 

But since there is no way I can say absolutely everything that I want to say here in this blog post, you’ll just have to catch me on when I go live on Facebook page this coming Thursday at 1 pm. But, more on that in a moment.

If you have ever felt under appreciated or overlooked in a relationship, then I know you can relate to the question that Karin from Montreal asked, “how do I get the courage to ask for what I want?"

Here’s a bit of back story... Karin is an amazing client that I met over social media. It was a chance encounter while we were both a part of Jasmine Star & Promise Tangemine’s 'The Brandologists'. We hit it off instantly and that started a beautiful working relationship. She is brilliant at writing copy, and is a contributor for some of the coolest magazines like Coveteur and Create + Cultivate. But like all women in business, she knows the hardships of having to muster up the courage to ask for what she wants in business. 

Can you relate?

I'm sure you can, so let's go there for a moment. We can all use a good dose of courage to move past all the hard conversations. 

Know your worth, and don’t be afraid to speak your truth.

t’s too easy to get caught up in the every day demands that we can easily start saying yes to anything that demands our attention, but is may not be necessary. Before long we begin feeling undervalued by those we serve in business (and life). Here's a secret: no one will ever be able to value you as much as you can value yourself. Learn how to find the value in who you are, not what you do or even what you bring to the table. 

Be clear about your expectations, and don’t assume that people can read your mind.

Honestly, the trap is set when we think that people know what you are thinking or what is important to you. You have to tell them, and be brutally honest about it if need be. 

Always be ready to give before you ever receive.

That takes guts my friend because it means that you will have to put yourself out there before you ever get anything back. Vulnerability and authenticity is key. But watch out that you don't do it to get what you want. 

Ok, before I get ahead of myself I am going to stop right here. I want to invite you to keep the conversation going on Facebook when I go live on Thursday at 1 pm. I am going to be giving you some practical tips at how you can practically start moving towards being more courageous in every area of your life. It can be hard to ask for what you want, but when you do it will be a game changer in every area of your life. 

CLICK HERE TO JOIN ME ON FACEBOOK

Much Love, 

What If Your Calling Doesn't Make Sense?

The room was eerily quiet, the only sounds I had heard for hours were the soft footsteps in the hallway, and the kettle boiling water for tea. Other than that, it was silent, and had been that way for the past 24 hours. There I sat, crumpled on the sofa staring at the white board with a mess of arrows, and boxes and writing all staring back at me. The silence had forced me into digging much deeper than I ever had before, but what I found didn’t make sense. There was absolutely no way that God was calling me to do this; none of it seemed possible. 

At that point in my life, I was gainfully employed, and although I wasn’t entirely happy where I was; I had no definite plans to make a change of any sort. But when I had agreed to accompany a friend on a silent retreat I was not sure what I was in for. But at the end of the first day, my mind was reeling with vision and calling, my purpose had literally exploded onto the pages of my journal; I was confronted for the first time with something that seemed completely beyond my capabilities.

What if your calling doesn’t make sense? 

When words seem to fail you, when you try to explain it to your friends and family, you will almost immediately want to give up. Thoughts of, 'how could this be possible for my life', and, 'I can’t even explain it to someone', else will run rampant through you streams of consciousness. And if you are not careful, you will throw in the towel before you even get started. 

Your calling won’t make sense. 

The reason it won’t make sense is because you have to follow it, to take steps of obedience every day in order to understand what comes next. The plan is rarely laid out before you in perfect succession. And yet for some reason we think it should be. But let’s be real here… if you knew what it would take to fulfill the calling on your life, you would turn and run in the other direction. 

There are so many reasons why we give up before we have even begun. 

• The possibility of failure. 
• The demand on our time and resources.
• The uncertainty of income.
• The unanswered questions of the future.
• The pain and loss of relationships that don’t get it.

And, yet you are likely at the crossroads of stepping directly into your calling (and that is why you are reading this). Maybe you feel uncertain, and fearful that everything around you will change. Not sure that you are strong enough to take that step of faith into your destiny. The leap towards your purpose. But deep inside of you there is a yearning that will not go away, and you know that if you don’t make a move it will stay with you wherever you go. 

Your calling may not make sense, but God does.

• His plan for your life is full of hope.
• He will walk you through every step and across every valley.
• He will provide for the vision He has given you.
• He will lead you to the answers right when you need them.
• He will sustain you and give the companions you need for the journey.

Almost three months after I had spent the weekend in silent retreat, I was faced with a decision to make a significant change in my career. The path seemed uncertain, but I had been given more vision than I knew what to do with. I was completely out of my depth and not sure how it was going to happen, but God had called me and I was willing to take the risk and go. 

What is He calling you to do?

Why you aren't making any progress.

It’s not that you don’t want to make any progress, and aren’t trying to do everything within your power to make the change in your life. In fact you may have started off the year with new years resolutions (which don’t work in case you were wondering), but now you feel like you did before… like you are lost and wandering aimlessly. 

As women we can fall into the trap of living our lives as hurried scattered versions of our authentic selves. Which essentially means - we are trying to do too many things at once, with no plan, and trying to please everyone else but ourselves. 

STOP IT!

The real reason you are not making progress is because you have no plan. And, not the kind of plan that has a whack of to-do’s written all over it. The kind of plan that comes from a deep place of yearning and understanding what you were made to do.

And, there it is... I may have hit the nail on the head. You don’t know what you were made to do. So you try your hand at everything. Searching, asking friends for advice, and still coming up empty handed. And, then you get down on yourself, thinking that there must be something wrong with you.

Let me let you in on a little secret… I’ve been where you are.

• Feeling passed-over.
• With deep seated insecurity.
• Living with fear of what my dreams may cost me.
• Thinking I could never succeed.
• Hopeless and broke. 

I may have hit a little bit of a sore spot here. And, I know the truth can be a painful thing. The obstacles in front of you seem so insurmountable that you wonder if it's even possible to move past them.  

You may be stuck right now, but you don’t have to stay there!

Here’s the good news... You were made for a purpose, but you have to fight for it. It’s there for the taking, but sometimes it needs your character to be built in order for you to be able handle its weight. And that can be hard work. I know because I am continually doing it myself. 

There is more for you my friend, and I would love to help you discover exactly why you have not been able to breakthrough to your purpose. Let’s not waste another day circling the obstacle, trying to figure out why it won’t move. Let me show you how you can move it out of your way for good. 

Join me for my FREE Masterclass: 5 Keys To Unlock Your Breakthrough where you will discover how you can move past fear and overwhelm for good.  

Who Else Wants To Adopt A 'Yes I Can' Mindset?

As we sat there over the phone, silence on either end, I waited. It felt a little awkward; but I knew that she was on the edge of having her first breakthrough, and I didn’t want to miss it because I said too much or too little. After a few minutes, she squeaked out the hidden sadness that been holding her back. Her words held shame and freedom all the same breath, “my whole life I’ve felt like I have been waiting for something good to happen to me." There it was. I could tell that the words wore her down; and so we sat in a few more seconds of silence as she let that revelation wash over her. And, as she said the words, my own heart started to beat faster. I could relate all too easy to those words, those feelings. It wasn’t that long ago, that I too, was waiting, hoping, and praying that if I did something just right I might earn God’s divine approval, and my life would magically fall into place. 

I’m not sure where I came up with this weird theology that I can actually earn God’s favour, but I spent years trying to accomplish it. To no avail I would lean into leadership, bend over backwards to help where I thought I would be noticed. All for the sake of trying to be the best. For me, it was my need to get noticed. By both God and those in leadership over me. Thinking about it now makes my stomach turn. Sadly, it never donned on me to ask God what He wanted me to do. There could have been multiple reasons for that, but I was mostly afraid of what He might say, and I would be left with broken dreams. My biggest fear of course being being that I would live this terribly unhappy and unfulfilled life. So I kept Him at arms length, and myself locked in the shame of my disappointment.

At this point, you may be wondering what any of this has to do with adopting a ‘YES I CAN’ mindset. Well, everything really. My journey has lead me to this place, but you may have found yourself on a different path. As a kid you may have heard the word ‘NO’ substantially more than you ever heard ‘YES’, so you developed a mindset that locked you into believing that you would never be able to access your dreams. It could have been that your parents battled with their own fears, and they handed them down to you. Unknowingly you took them on, and have walked the same path.

It could have been later in life that you were so eager to please that you walked front footed into the most amazing opportunity. But, there you were met with humiliation, forcing you to believe that you would never be enough. No matter what you tried, you would never gain access to the dreams that you held deep inside.  

My story is not unlike yours, except that I faced humiliation at a young age. It was the first time my spirit was crushed, and it was during show and tell in my kindergarten class. My teacher, probably trying her best to instruct me, said words that shot to my bones. Over a period of several days I had been sharing the same news with my class that I would be moving to another province at the end of the school year. It was likely that my little mind needed to process the upcoming events, but my teacher told me that I was not allowed to share anymore, and that I had to come up with another show and tell. Now, I know this seems silly, but to a five year old who is wide eyed and excited, those words shut me down. It was then that I stopped sharing altogether. 

When we stop believing that we are capable of doing what has been put in our hands to do, our dreams are quietly pulled from our grasp. We subtly make an agreement that we have to earn our way back. But, that just isn’t true. It may start with re-awakening to the possibilities around you, to lean into what is possible. But at the end of the day, as adults we have to severe the thoughts of the past - the humiliation, defeat and discouragement; so that we can start saying ‘yes’ to what we have been called to do. 

Developing a ‘yes I can’ mindset doesn’t happen on it’s own. It’s cultivated and nurtured. But the good news is that it is possible, and that you are the only one who can make it happen.  

How To Eliminate A Negative Mindset

The very first moments you wake up in the morning have a direct impact on how you face your day. Can you believe that before you even swing your legs off the bed and onto the floor in the morning, you have already determined your mindset for what is to come? It’s crazy to think that within the first two to three minutes of the day, you have to make the choice whether or not you will be ruled by the nagging little voice in your mind. 

Mind blown, right? That is why it is so important to not only get rid of the negative thoughts that come into your mind, but to ELIMINATE them. And, when you do, just think about the freedom you’ll have from those thoughts of inadequacy and self doubt. 

Ok, friend so let me ask you a question... have you ever woke up from a dream and then spent the first hour of the day trying to shake off that terrible feeling of impending doom? I’m certain I’m not alone here. 

As we sleep our subconscious is working over time to process through our thoughts and emotions. As our body is getting rest, our mind is still working away, filing our experiences away. That is why it is vitally important to fill our minds with positive thoughts before we go to sleep, and as soon as we wake up in the morning.

Now, I have to admit that I am guilty of waking up and checking my social media first thing. This starts a massive negative spiral downwards. My motivation depletes which results in lack of productivity. Not to mention, I am not a morning person to begin with. I am training myself to wake up and immediately start my day with thoughts that will bring me success. 

Our thoughts influence our emotions, our emotions dictate our actions, and our actions lead to a result. Sounds like bad news, and no one wants that. So, lets not only get rid of those toxic thoughts, but ELIMINATE them once and for all. 

Here’s the good news. YES! There is good news my friend. Your thoughts are not you! Sounds simple enough. However, they do work to guard and protect you from harm. They are the mechanism through which your process past experiences and emotions. Picture them as a gateway or a body guard. So, yes - you absolutely need your mind to process what happens in your life. But, you definitely don’t want you thoughts ruling the roost. 

Now, you may be thinking, ‘that’s great Andrea, but how do I get rid of these limiting beliefs?’ 

Great question! Honestly, it does’t happen overnight. In fact it’s a process of daily setting aside time to rewire your thought patterns. Get ready, because I am going to share something that will transform your perspective. We are composed of three things - a body, a soul (thoughts, emotions & will) and a spirit. But what happens is, when we only focus on the first two (body and soul), we allow them to dictate our wants and desires. So when we start having negative thoughts, it negatively affects our emotions and so on.

So, let me suggest what we need to focus on is our SPIRIT!

After many years of battling with my own negative mindset, I am more resolute than ever on making my spirit (who I will call ‘Real Andrea’) the boss. In doing so, I am committed to firing my inner critic (who I will call ‘Judge Andrea’). And, I want to encourage you to join me. For the next fourteen days (including today) I will be going live in a private Facebook Group giving away helpful tips on how you can daily overcome your negative mindset. 

To help you get started on this this journey, I have written a Daily Mindset Guide with practical tools for you to begin rewiring your thought patterns. You can download your copy here, and get started right away. 

Can’t wait to see you over in the Facebook group. 

Who Else Wants A Do-Over?

It was at the stroke of midnight Cinderella turned back into a lowly servant girl after having the night of her life dancing with the prince. Moments before she would return to her ’normal’ life she ran down the steps leaving behind the only sign that she had really been at the ball dancing the night away. After she jumped into the carriage, it sped towards home before finally been reduced to nothing but a dented pumpkin. And there she was, just a simple girl wishing she could have the moment back again. 

Doesn’t it feel that way most days?

Like you were not really invited to the party, but you went hoping no one would find out that you are not really who you say you are. And, although you are desperately trying to be seen as this competent self assured woman, you are constantly hoping that no one finds out that you spend most days in sweat pants with a cold coffee in your hand. 

We dream of the day when we finally become who we've always wanted to be. The moment where everything is ideal and perfect, but quite frankly that’s not real reality. Life is not like that. So yes, you may want a do-over. But what do you want to do over? 

• Do you want to be seen as more intentional?
• Do you want to be in more control of your life?
• Do you want to stop the cycle of trying and failing?
• Do you want to value your relationships more?

Having a second chance seems like a long shot to most people because they don’t realize they have a second chance every day. Ok, so it wouldn’t really be called that, but you get the point. It’s not about making a decision once and then hoping for the best. It’s a decision you make every day to do the right thing. The right thing being what pulls you closer to the person you want to be. The woman you’ve always wanted to be. 

Let’s be real here. I’ve fought the good fight for most of my life. Fighting the nagging obsession to be perfect, and to have a life that looks like everything is amazing. It’s mostly how I’m wired, and when I realized that the shiny happy life really doesn’t exist I felt a huge sense of relief. I could be myself and stop worrying so much about measuring to every other woman.

With everyone talking about the changes they are going to make this new year, you may be fighting this overwhelming feeling. And if you are honest with yourself you want to throw up your hands and say how is change possible. How can you possibly get everything you want out of your career, your life and your relationships. 

It all starts with understanding what you value most, and why you started to begin with. Even Cinderella knew that one night at the ball was not going to change her life. She had seen the prince in the forest before she ever met her fairy god-mother, and it was in then when he had truly seen her worth. It didn’t matter what she looked like on the outside because it was all about the who she was on the inside. 

I know we don’t live in a fairy tale world. But then why are we acting like we do? You can have all the do-overs you want but that won’t make you feel any better. Not until you alight your core values with how you live your life every day will you see a significant change in who you are.

So forget the glass slipper, trying to fit the mold and being something you were never meant to be to begin with. Be yourself. Stop looking for a do-over and live YOUR life.  

What I Don't Plan On Taking With Me Into 2017.

Out with the old in with the new. I’m ready to take 2017 with gusto, and I bet you are too (that’s why you’re reading this). So, what’s going to be different about this year than last year? Well, that’s for you to decide.

Leaving behind what has been is likely the best thing you will have done for yourself all year. Entering a new year always feel like a brand new opportunity to get things right. But, since there are so many expectations to live up to that it’s hard to know what to focus on. So, I’m going to share with you some things that I don’t plan on repeating next year. 

Although I’m definitely someone who believes in having goals, and a plan of attack it all starts with the belief we have about ourselves and what is possible for our lives. If you want to start the new year off right, then I encourage you to leave the following thoughts behind for good. Some or all of these may resonate with you. 

• Negative beliefs about what I deserve.
• Past feelings of failure and inadequacy.
• Disappointments of what didn’t get accomplished.
• Lack of self discipline.
• Fears of not being enough for others.
• Thoughts on what I am not capable of doing.
• Indecisive behaviour.
• Walls that keep others from being close to me. 
• Feelings of self doubt and confusion. 
• Disbelief that I can achieve anything I set my mind to. 

I know it may seem overwhelming to read these, and think how will I ever change this pattern of thinking. The answer is one step at a time, and one day at a time. And, to help you get started. I want you to write down the following NEW beliefs about yourself. Make them personal, and rehearse them every day. It took a long time to adopt your old belief system, so it will take some time to unlearn that behaviour and start believing that you are capable of change.

You may want to set aside time each morning to say these aloud. There is power in your words, and what you say you will believe. This is not hocus pocus, it’s doing the heavy lifting to really see your life begin to change starting with what you believe about your life and your future. 

I believe that I am worth having good things (relationships, job opportunities… make it personal).

• Although I fail, I am not a failure. My sense of self worth is not attached to risk. 
• I work hard, and and am able to complete things on time (at work, and in my personal life).
• My life is disciplined and controlled.
• Who I am is more than enough (I know whose I am).
• I am capable of doing everything I set my mind to do.
• I am able to make wise decisions quickly (and effectively).
• My heart is open to others without fear (or rejection). 
• I am self assured and confident in who I am (and have been created to be). 
• I can achieve great things (and am purposed for God’s glory).  

It's time for you to leave behind what has been holding you back, so that you can finally live the live you were meant to live.

We Are Better Together!

What Are You Believing For This Christmas?

Over the past few days, I have been written two different blogs, and felt ‘meh’ about both of them resulting in pressing the delete button. Kinda what I want to do on this year. DELETE. Anyways, here I am with attempt number three… hopefully this one is a keeper. I’ve been asking myself, ‘what do you (as the reader) need to hear, and what will bring you the most value this holiday season?’ Not gonna lie, it’s a hard one. 

So here’s what I have been thinking…

• You may be feeling super overwhelmed at the thought of facing christmas alone.
• Maybe you are dreading going home to a room full of family who just don’t understand you.
• There are some of you that may have experienced tremendous loss and disappointment this year. 
• Perhaps you have been met with discouragement and feel defeated personally and professionally.

Life can be tough my friend, and our expectations can go unfulfilled and leave us feeling ‘shitty’ (can I say that?). So what do we do about that? Can we possibly face the holidays with a ‘cheesy’ pasted grin on our face, and pretend that everything in our lives is amazing. 

As the year has been winding down, I have been doing some reflection of my own. Evaluating where I was able to hit the mark, and to be honest about those things I failed at doing. Yikes! And since I am one of those people who really needs to have everything in life go just ‘perfectly’, this is one of the most painful things to be honest about. I grew a lot AND failed a bunch this year. 

But even with all of the unmet expectations in my life, the one thing I have learned is that to the extent that I believe… I will receive. That was a hard lesson, because I let a ton of my own limiting beliefs determine the outcome of what was happening in my life. Maybe you have done the same thing. 

So here is the big question… what are you believing for this Christmas (and beyond)? And, no I’m not just talking about what you are hoping for in terms of gifts. I’m talking about those deep heart expectations. The ones you know God has been speaking to you about, but you have been too afraid to utter words to. 

• Financial breakthrough.
• A new job.
• Love.
• To move past hurt.

Whatever you are believing for, it all starts with the understanding that you are worth the outcome. That you deserve good things, and that you have not been passed over or forgotten. Yes, it’s that simple. 

So, take a few minutes this season to thank God for where you’ve been (good and bad), and then acknowledge your need to have a change of heart and mind to believe for the great things God has in store for you. After all he sent us the greatest gift of all in his son Jesus, and that grace is all we really need. 

I am believing great things for you my friend. Sending you much love this holiday season.

Merry Christmas! 

Why It's Better To Give Than Receive

What is the best gift you have ever received? Think back to the day it was given to you… where were you? Did you have that moment of sheer joy to hold in your hands something so amazing, or were you brought to tears that someone would love you enough to give you that treasured gift. Maybe you were a child, and you came down on Christmas morning to find a bicycle or a pair of skates. Perhaps when you were a teenager your parents bought you a brand new car. Or you might be the person that loves the understated thoughtfulness of someone taking you to lunch or buying your coffee. 

Not every gift comes in the form of a neatly wrapped package. Maybe you have been the recipient of a gift of forgiveness and grace when you felt as though you did not deserve it. How did you feel when you realized that you had been given something you did not earn, or even expect. 

We all give and receive differently. It took me a really long time to learn that. What is special to one person, is not always special to someone else. When you are wired to appreciate acts of service, a beautifully wrapped gift may not be as meaningful to you as when someone you love is willing to lend a hand helping you around the house, picking up your kids from school or grabbing take out at the end of the day. 

My parents are natural givers. Growing up in my family, our home was open to many different people. It was a little bit of a revolving door at times, and it was likely you found someone eating at our table, sleeping in our guest room (aka the kids bedroom), and some even had a key to our home. My parents believed that if we had it to share, then we should always be giving it away to someone who may need it more. Their philosophy is that it is always better to give than receive. 

I have to be honest, this was not a concept I was naturally inclined towards. Everything within me fought against giving away my most prized possessions. And, I guess that is probably why my parents insisted that it be done. There was one particular christmas when I was around eleven years old that my mom asked me to help load up the van with a few things from the garage to take to a family in need.

It wasn’t long before we were packed to the brim, headed to the next town over for this special delivery. I distinctly remember it being dark already when we arrived as it was around supper time. As we got out of the van mom told me to ‘be friendly’.  Immediately upon entering the tiny house I realized that this family did have very much, and we had come to ensure they were taken care of over the holidays. We unloaded grocery bags, a few items of furniture, and then came the gifts. Gifts for every member of the family. 

We didn’t stay very long, as quickly as we came we left. As we walked out the door mom hugged the woman and we were off. We weren’t in the car five minutes before mom began to talk with me about what had just happened. I sat quietly as she explained that the family had fallen on hard times, and they had no money for christmas gifts for their children. So a few of moms work colleagues and herself had organized to help this family. What I did not know at the time was that mom and dad had planned to for-go their personal gifts to one another to make this happen. 

In a culture so focused on receiving, what if we changed our perspective towards giving?

• The act of giving is not always about our pocket book, it’s more about the heart. Start with something small. Ask yourself where you can meet the need of someone in your life. It could be as simple as helping them raking the leaves in their yard, or asking them to join you for lunch. 
• Reconnect with those who you have been meaning to call or email. Life gets busy, but sometimes the best gifts come in the form of your time. Who in your life needs to hear from you? This is a great time of the year to make the effort to tell your family how much you love them. 
• Volunteer your talent and time at local charity or shelter. This could involve serving, offering to help with a project, or giving your professional services. This is a great opportunity to come alongside an organization that is doing great work. 

We all have the opportunity to be givers this season. And, it may look different to each of us. But when we start to make room in our lives not only to give, but to receive we may surprised at the blessing that will come our way. 

Together We Are Better!